I know. It’s not the most elegant way to say it. But I believe it.

As long as you sit in your shit, talk about how shitty your shit is, think about how shitty your shit is, and tell everyone who will listen how shitty your shit is, it’s probably going to continue to be shit.

And no, I’m not saying that if something in your life sucks, you’re supposed to pretend it doesn’t. Sometimes things genuinely suck. You can hate your job. You can hate your apartment. You can be embarrassed by your car. You can be frustrated that you don’t have enough money. You can look around at other people’s lives and wonder why the hell you don’t have what they have.

But at some point, I think you have to ask yourself: How much energy am I giving to everything I don’t want?

Because I genuinely believe that matters.

What are you putting out there?

I’m a big believer in energy and gratitude. And yes, I believe that what we continually put out into the universe has a way of showing back up in our lives.

That doesn’t mean you sit on your couch, think positively about a million dollars, and wait for the universe to FedEx you a check. You still have to participate in your own life. You still have to make choices, take action, change things, and sometimes do things that are uncomfortable as hell.

But think about the difference between waking up every morning thinking, I hate this apartment. It’s a dump. Everybody else has a nicer place than I do, and waking up thinking, This isn’t where I want to live forever, but right now I have a roof over my head. I have a place that’s mine. I’m grateful for that. What can I do to make it feel better while I’m here?

Nothing about the apartment changed overnight. You changed the energy you’re bringing into it. And from there, you can actually do something.

Start with what you have

Maybe you hate your car. Okay, why? Is it because it’s older? Is it messy? Does it feel run-down? Is it simply not the car you wish you could afford? Or are you comparing it to what everyone else seems to be driving?

Before you spend another day talking about your shitty car, go clean the damn thing. Vacuum it. Wash it. Get all the garbage out. Buy a steering wheel cover you like or some cute floor mats. Get an air freshener that makes you happy when you get in. Spend $20 on something that makes the car you already have feel a little more like yours.

Then take a minute to be grateful for it. That car gets you to work. It gets you to the grocery store. It gets you home. Maybe it isn’t the car you want someday, but it is serving you today.

Being grateful for what you have doesn’t mean you can’t want something better.

The same thing applies to where you live. If you hate your apartment, what do you actually hate about it? And what can you change? Clean it. Rearrange the furniture. Buy new curtains. Put something on the walls. Change your bedding. Get a plant. Light a candle. Open the windows. Do something that changes the way you feel when you walk through the door.

And while you’re doing that, remember that you have a roof over your head. There are probably things about that apartment that serve you every single day that you’ve stopped noticing because you’ve become so focused on everything you don’t like about it.

You can appreciate those things and still want to live somewhere else someday. You can be grateful for where you are and work toward somewhere new. Those ideas don’t contradict each other.

Okay, but what if you hate your job?

This one might require a little more than new curtains. lol

But instead of waking up every day saying, I fucking hate my job, get curious about what you actually hate. Is it the work itself? The people? Your boss? The schedule? The pay? Do you feel underappreciated? Are you bored? Burned out? Is there nowhere to grow?

“I hate my job” isn’t actually very useful information. Once you understand why you hate your job, though, you have something you can work with.

Maybe you need to ask for different responsibilities. Maybe you need better boundaries. Maybe you need to start looking somewhere else. Maybe you need training or education that opens another door. Maybe you discover that you don’t hate your career at all. You just hate where you’re doing it.

And while you’re figuring that out, can you also be grateful that you’re employed? Can you appreciate the paycheck that’s helping you pay your bills right now? Can you recognize what this job is providing for you while also deciding that you don’t want to stay there forever?

That’s not settling. Gratitude isn’t resignation.

You don’t have to hate where you are in order to decide you want to go somewhere else.

Stop spewing negativity everywhere

This is the part I think we seriously underestimate.

Pay attention to how often you say the same negative things about your life. I’m broke. I hate it here. My life sucks. Nothing ever works out for me. Everybody else has more than I do. I’ll never be able to afford that. Of course this happened to me.

You think it. You say it. You text it to somebody. You tell your friends. Maybe you put it on social media. Then something else goes wrong and you add that to the list too.

At some point, you’re not just acknowledging the things in your life that aren’t working. You’re feeding them.

And yes, this is where my personal beliefs come into it. I believe our words have energy. I believe our thoughts have energy. I believe what we continually focus on and put out into the universe matters.

If almost everything you’re putting out is about what you hate, what you don’t have, what isn’t fair, what everyone else has that you don’t, and why nothing ever works out for you, what are you leaving room for?

Where is the gratitude? Where is the possibility? Where is the attention toward what’s actually going right? Where is the energy going toward what you want, instead of constantly feeding what you don’t?

Gratitude isn’t pretending everything is wonderful

I want to be really clear about this, because gratitude can turn into toxic positivity really damn fast when it’s used badly.

I’m not telling you to stand in the middle of a genuinely awful situation chanting, I’m so blessed. You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to be disappointed. You’re allowed to be frustrated. You’re allowed to say, This isn’t working for me anymore.

You also don’t need to be grateful because somebody somewhere has it worse than you. That’s not the kind of gratitude I’m talking about.

I mean real gratitude. I’m thankful I woke up today. I’m thankful I have somewhere to sleep. I’m thankful this car started. I’m thankful there’s food in my refrigerator. I’m thankful I have someone I can call. I’m thankful I have a paycheck coming in. I’m thankful I have the ability to change something.

Then, from that place, change something.

It doesn’t have to be a huge something

I think we get stuck because when we decide we want something different, we immediately start looking at the enormous distance between where we are and where we want to be.

You don’t have to reinvent your entire life by Friday.

Clean your car. Change the curtains. Update your résumé. Take a class. Save $10. Clean your kitchen. Apply for one job. Have one conversation. Research one possibility. Do one small thing that makes something in your life a little better than it was yesterday.

Small action matters because it shifts you from everything in my life is happening to me into I have some say in what happens next.

And then you do something else.

Gratitude changes what you’re focusing on. Action changes what you’re experiencing. I believe the energy you put out changes what you begin making room to receive.

Put those things together and your life starts to move.

Maybe slowly. Maybe imperfectly. Maybe not in exactly the way you expected. But you’re no longer sitting in the same place talking about how much you hate sitting there.

You can want more and still love what you have

I think this might be the piece we forget most often.

You don’t have to hate your current life in order to build a different one. You don’t have to despise your apartment to dream about a house. You don’t have to resent your car to save for another one. You don’t have to wake up miserable every morning to decide you want a different career.

You can look around at your life and say, I am genuinely grateful for what I have, and I am ready for more.

Those things can exist together.

So yes, sometimes you’re sitting in shit. Acknowledge it. Be pissed about it for a minute if you need to. Figure out what isn’t working and what you want to be different.

But then stop giving all of your attention, words, and energy to how badly it smells.

Look around. Find something that is good. Find something that is serving you. Find something you’re genuinely thankful for. Then find one thing you can change and change it.

You don’t have to transform your entire life today.

But if you’re waiting for your entire life to change before you change the way you’re showing up in it, you might have that backward.